"A good life comes from within...from inner happiness and peace. It comes from knowing who you are and indulging in acceptance of unchangable things and striving for better where you can...Finding happiness in the small and simple things and not provoking complexity intentionally."
T was handed an English assignment last week, the topic was to write a short essay on "A Good Life does not have to be Complex". This quote was from her essay. Reading through it gave me a little more insight to my daughter, and made me think about the life we currently live. There is such happiness in the simple things, when you have had moments or events of adversity in life your value system ultimately changes. Our lives I suppose are quite simple, the needs are basic..(the list of wants and wishes from time to time...well thats another story!! )
We have some pretty crazy moments in our house, not to be confused with kaos...as we have no longer any kaos in our lives, I would say life is busy..crazy...and we have some pretty great moments of fun and laughter. Yes we have challenges too, just like everyone else.
This morning I was driving C to school...she was a littel tired and rather quiet...I couldn't resist...something about belting out the newest Rhianna song and throwing in a little air guitar while stopped at the traffic light is just about enough to make any mother die laughing while completely horrifying her teenage daughter!!! I kept it up until almost at the school...haha poor C she was trying soo hard not to laugh. Aaaahhh, teenage girls..and the moments we steal with them...gotta love them.
There are moments too..finding happiness in being at our little farm, the sweet smell of the horses, their soft coats, their kind eyes...something about the outside of a horse that is so good for the inside of us.
Our horses are part of our family, and we have become part of the most amazing community because of them. We have all become better women,..because of those horses. Being with them feels more like "home" than our house does. There is nothing complex with a horse, and they have taught us to be congruent in our thoughts and actions...as they are. There have been endless lessons in responsibility, diligence, finding a good work ethic, gentleness, what freedom means..and what it feels like to have it taken from you, patience ,leadership(without carrying a big stick), and the true meaning of family.
They have taught us sheer bliss and happiness in being together, and just how much staying together means.
I would have to say that we have found a good life, and are pretty in tune with what happiness means to each of us. We do our very best to make the most of every day...and if we have a challenging day...as my dear friend D always reminds us..."There is always another tomorrow."
" A Good Life is not bought by money nor manipulated by minds. A Good life is what you make of it from the place that means the most."
Yes T...you are absolutely right!!!
xo
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
3 1/2 Years.....
Today, the girls and I have been on our own for exactly 3 1/2 years. Most Anniversaries are somewhat celebratory, while others remain sobering. In between are the ones that are both. I think today's Anniversary falls under both. Sobering in that when I started out...at 18, having graduated high school and beginning college, I never dreamed in a million years that life would turn out the way it has. I was fully consumed with the notion that I would meet the man of my dreams, fall madly in love and he with me) , we would have a beautiful family and we would live blissfully ever after. (Side note...I promised myself to NEVER be one of those mothers who drove a station wagon!!). Well, I embarked on college, a good job, and kissed a few toads along the way. I met my girls father (I will refer to him as Big Daddy or BD throughout this and future blog posts) while in my early 20's and fell madly in love with him, and his big family! I met BD at the gym I worked at, I taught Aerobics class there, (or as my favourite soon to be sis in law refered to as "Jump & Shout" class), we hit it off like a house on fire..he was full of personality, bravado, and striking good looks! I almost had the dress picked out! Our relationship spanned 5 years before the "I do's". We had lived together for 4 of those years, been blessed with our oldest daughter T, a house, a dog and what seemed to be a somewhat normal life. We had a small wedding, just 48 of our closest friends and family...it was such a fun, classy little party! It snowed like crazy that night, it was a late December Wedding..so rather perfect.
The next few years proved to be anything but perfect...as any marriage or relationship we had hurdles, and much of the time was tumultuous. BD always had a nasty temper...behind those striking good looks, he has held onto an anger that was installed long before I came along. Several years in and after a brief 2 year separation..(attributed to his anger ) we were blessed with our second daughter C. Things were alright for a short time...well sort of. Despite several attempts to "live with it", eventually BD's temper became an atributing factor to the end of the marriage. I felt for more years than not..it must be me..something I did, something I didn't do, something I was, or wasn't, perhaps if I only....fill in the blanks, it didn't matter what I would put in there..it wasn't enough. I loved him enough to stay with him for 23 years. There were times when I didn't always like him, the love however didn't die. I left in less than optimal circumstances, there had been several bouts of physical threats and abuse, and too much verbasl assaults to even count. We had less than 24 hours to leave with whatever mattered most to us. I had no real idea of how many true friends we had, I am grateful to this day and will never forget the help they gave us during the transition of our lives.
3 1/2 years later , we are standing tall...not to say we have not hit our knees..man have we ever! We have the most amazing circle of friends..they are there with a hug, with their hand to help us up, and always with their hearts which have kept us safe. I love them all . We have learned so much in these few short years..(although at times it has felt like an eternity),.
When you are women on your own, there are some very important things you need to know... you learn that car maintence is extremely important, things like general household fixits can be challenging..but not impossible, painting the inside your own house is really fun, dealing with a mouse who has found his way into the house...um not so fun, making big decisions knowing that you are the one that it all hangs on is necessary, and not scarry ( most of the time nobody dies...you just have to make the right decision..lol), that being a full time working single mother still allows you the time to be a good mother..really!!.....and that looking after onesself is paramount. I've learned a lot about trust, and how it relates to decisions I make, and who I feel deserves it. I have learned that peace in the home is priceless...no kaos, no drama accepted. I have learned that there are no bad decisions, just better ones, and the rougher the experience, the more illuminated and important the lesson is. I am still learning to watch more than I listen, and I am not afraid of loving the people around me, and telling them every chance I get. Last year the divorce became final...it was within days of the 3 year mark. To say the journey was rough, would be an understatement. Divorce is no party, it is incredibly sobering and final.
So here we are six months later, on my own, the Girls and I, our little farm and the horses that mean so much to us, our 2 dogs, and a brand new year. If there is a reason for Celebration...I celebrate all that we have learned, who we have become, all that we have experienced, and the ones we love so very much along the way. There is something about 2012...it's fresh, it is full of hope and opportunity, rich with experiences and anticipation. I really feel its going to get better and better.
xo
The next few years proved to be anything but perfect...as any marriage or relationship we had hurdles, and much of the time was tumultuous. BD always had a nasty temper...behind those striking good looks, he has held onto an anger that was installed long before I came along. Several years in and after a brief 2 year separation..(attributed to his anger ) we were blessed with our second daughter C. Things were alright for a short time...well sort of. Despite several attempts to "live with it", eventually BD's temper became an atributing factor to the end of the marriage. I felt for more years than not..it must be me..something I did, something I didn't do, something I was, or wasn't, perhaps if I only....fill in the blanks, it didn't matter what I would put in there..it wasn't enough. I loved him enough to stay with him for 23 years. There were times when I didn't always like him, the love however didn't die. I left in less than optimal circumstances, there had been several bouts of physical threats and abuse, and too much verbasl assaults to even count. We had less than 24 hours to leave with whatever mattered most to us. I had no real idea of how many true friends we had, I am grateful to this day and will never forget the help they gave us during the transition of our lives.
3 1/2 years later , we are standing tall...not to say we have not hit our knees..man have we ever! We have the most amazing circle of friends..they are there with a hug, with their hand to help us up, and always with their hearts which have kept us safe. I love them all . We have learned so much in these few short years..(although at times it has felt like an eternity),.
When you are women on your own, there are some very important things you need to know... you learn that car maintence is extremely important, things like general household fixits can be challenging..but not impossible, painting the inside your own house is really fun, dealing with a mouse who has found his way into the house...um not so fun, making big decisions knowing that you are the one that it all hangs on is necessary, and not scarry ( most of the time nobody dies...you just have to make the right decision..lol), that being a full time working single mother still allows you the time to be a good mother..really!!.....and that looking after onesself is paramount. I've learned a lot about trust, and how it relates to decisions I make, and who I feel deserves it. I have learned that peace in the home is priceless...no kaos, no drama accepted. I have learned that there are no bad decisions, just better ones, and the rougher the experience, the more illuminated and important the lesson is. I am still learning to watch more than I listen, and I am not afraid of loving the people around me, and telling them every chance I get. Last year the divorce became final...it was within days of the 3 year mark. To say the journey was rough, would be an understatement. Divorce is no party, it is incredibly sobering and final.
So here we are six months later, on my own, the Girls and I, our little farm and the horses that mean so much to us, our 2 dogs, and a brand new year. If there is a reason for Celebration...I celebrate all that we have learned, who we have become, all that we have experienced, and the ones we love so very much along the way. There is something about 2012...it's fresh, it is full of hope and opportunity, rich with experiences and anticipation. I really feel its going to get better and better.
xo
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
"If you want to know who I am......just ask my Children".
Someone once told me..."If you want to know who I am...just ask my children". I thought at the time it was a pretty valid statement. Ask a child any question, especially with regards to their parents, and they will be more than happy to fill you in on their opinion! I have never asked my girls who they think I am...( I have on occassion told them.."I am your Mother..that's why!"), so I am sure they know who I am...I have however had the distinct pleasure...and many proud moments watching who they really are.
I have found my girls to be upstanding, honest, caring people. They have and will always come to the aid of someone, or something less fortunate, or in trouble, or just in need of a hand up. Both girls will always do the right thing. I saw this early on in both of the girls, both T and C had come to the rescue of children on the palyground at their schools, both in elementary school, placing themselves between the bully and the chosen victim. ( I had always said.."Do the right thing...no matter what..I will meet you at the office after").
We have spent the past just over 3 years, in very challenging circumstances, a test really to all of our strengths..and weaknesses. When the going gets tough....well to be honest, we didn't always know where we were going..we just got going, and we found ourselves right where we were supposed to be..every time.
I watch so proudly as my girls navigate through life...both have aspirations to amazing things in life.. They laugh hard, they play hard, and they feel life hard. It's a good thing.
C started high school this year, and while it was not an easy start, she has come through alive..doing well, and knowing who her friends are.
They both handle life with such conviction, passion and with a no stopping me attitude.
This past year we have learned how to let go, move on, embrace change , face loss, and embrace abundance. We thank God and the Universe everyday for the lessons...the easy ones ansd the rough ones. We need both..its balance I guess.
I look at my girls and I am so incredibly proud of them..and to be their Mom... we look after each other, there is an incredible bond, we are friends, and family. We always have each others backs, no matter what. The time we get to spend together is a gift.
I watched them playing..yes playing..in the snow we had last night. The laughter was contageous, and the feeling inside was that of sheer bliss. We were at our farm....the only light outside was the moon, and the sparkling white snow on the ground. They left snow angels on the ground...I left with a memory that will never fade, all I could think of while watching them was...aren't we so incredibly lucky to have each other?
2012 is shaping up to be a fabulous year...there are good things happening....( I promise to share along the way!!), C is planning a Show Season with her horse, and T will be starting University! We will have more time to play, enjoy, have fun and laugh ourselves silly. While there will no doubt be challenges along the way, we are tough, and we have each other, and we will be more than okay...in fact we plan to Dance in the Rain!!!!
So ...the statment...."If you want to know who I am....just ask my children"....I believe "If you want to know who your children are...just watch them." They will show you.....andthey in turn will show you who you really are.
xo
I have found my girls to be upstanding, honest, caring people. They have and will always come to the aid of someone, or something less fortunate, or in trouble, or just in need of a hand up. Both girls will always do the right thing. I saw this early on in both of the girls, both T and C had come to the rescue of children on the palyground at their schools, both in elementary school, placing themselves between the bully and the chosen victim. ( I had always said.."Do the right thing...no matter what..I will meet you at the office after").
We have spent the past just over 3 years, in very challenging circumstances, a test really to all of our strengths..and weaknesses. When the going gets tough....well to be honest, we didn't always know where we were going..we just got going, and we found ourselves right where we were supposed to be..every time.
I watch so proudly as my girls navigate through life...both have aspirations to amazing things in life.. They laugh hard, they play hard, and they feel life hard. It's a good thing.
C started high school this year, and while it was not an easy start, she has come through alive..doing well, and knowing who her friends are.
They both handle life with such conviction, passion and with a no stopping me attitude.
This past year we have learned how to let go, move on, embrace change , face loss, and embrace abundance. We thank God and the Universe everyday for the lessons...the easy ones ansd the rough ones. We need both..its balance I guess.
I look at my girls and I am so incredibly proud of them..and to be their Mom... we look after each other, there is an incredible bond, we are friends, and family. We always have each others backs, no matter what. The time we get to spend together is a gift.
I watched them playing..yes playing..in the snow we had last night. The laughter was contageous, and the feeling inside was that of sheer bliss. We were at our farm....the only light outside was the moon, and the sparkling white snow on the ground. They left snow angels on the ground...I left with a memory that will never fade, all I could think of while watching them was...aren't we so incredibly lucky to have each other?
2012 is shaping up to be a fabulous year...there are good things happening....( I promise to share along the way!!), C is planning a Show Season with her horse, and T will be starting University! We will have more time to play, enjoy, have fun and laugh ourselves silly. While there will no doubt be challenges along the way, we are tough, and we have each other, and we will be more than okay...in fact we plan to Dance in the Rain!!!!
So ...the statment...."If you want to know who I am....just ask my children"....I believe "If you want to know who your children are...just watch them." They will show you.....andthey in turn will show you who you really are.
xo
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